The Unbelievables: Vaudevillian's Triple M
by Sister-Puce
Summary: The Nefarious Vaudevillian makes a special drink for the Unbelievables. This story is based on a 1999 TV movie/pilot called "The unbelievables", starring Corbin Bernsen, Steve Carell and Tim Curry. It was about a band of super heroes.


_Author's Note: This story is based on a 1999 TV movie/pilot called "The Unbelievables" starring Corbin Bernsen, Steve Carell and Tim Curry._

_Tim Curry played the dapper Vaudevillian and Steve Carell played his sidekick, Hershal...(or was it Herschel?)_

_Some spoilers ahead. You've been warned:_  
_Vaudevillian was always trying to overthrow his old mates, the unbelievables -who were a troop of super heroes- but the poor thing always failed. Vaudevillian also owned a coffee shop called "The Evil Genius."_  
_In my story (which was written a few years ago), he vents his frustration out on Hershel._

_It's heavily based on Vaude's use of Laxative-like concoctions in the pilot._

_Disclaimer: I do not intend any copyright infringement. I don't claim to own ANY rights to "The Unbelievables" or any thing involved with it. They belong to the writer and director, Ed Solomon._

_I don't own any rights to Big K-Mart, the songs or any of the laxative brands I mention, either, lol._

_Rating: K+ for gross stuff, one cuss word and stupidity)_

* * *

Vaudevillian was again at his wit's end when it came to dreaming up diabolical plans to bring about the downfall of the unbelievables.

So he was reduced to plan E: the maraschino mocha medley!

On a recent trip to the local big K-mart, grandmaster Vaudevillian purchased every kind of laxative that he could find in the store. Liquid, powder; Fat free milk chocolate that rips right through a person like a freight train, etc.

Last, but not least, a jar of king-sized cherries.

* * *

When he arrived at The Evil Genius, it was already past six in the evening. His trusty sidekick was behind the counter, antsy about the upcoming event.

Hershel had been looking forward to it all week. Dance night at the Evil Genius!

It was going to be his night.

Those super powered pains in villainy's ass wouldn't be there until at least seven, so our sexy nemesis would have plenty of time to dabble.

* * *

1. Vaudevillian melted the chocolate over a pot of boiling water (all the time, getting in the way of his employees.)

2. Crushed tablets of dime-store stuff into the cream.

3. He mixed five tablespoons of Metamucil into the base milk.

4. He injected the cherries with castor oil and lemon laxative, his eyes wild and nefarious.

5. Poured it into a tall glass and topped with whipped fiberfill cream and a cherry.

* * *

There he stood, in awe of his creation: ONE mega-charged mass of pure intestinal agony as the intended super victims walked through the front door.

He ordered Hershel, who had been busy getting the DJ stand ready, to bring them complementary drinks.

"I call it the triple M." Vaudevillian said, rubbing his hands together.

"Sounds like a bodily function." Hershel peeped.

"I KNOW!" His boss guffawed and jumped up and down.

* * *

After the unbelievables consumed the drinks, they felt refreshed and ready to tackle the dance floor!

"NOOOOOOooo!" Vaudevillian yelled as he fell to his knees.

"What is it, boss?" Hershel ran to him in confusion.

Light bulb moment. "Hershel, my good man! Will you try my new drink? Those confounded, washed-up heroes told me it was repulsive! WAAAUGH!"

Hershel actually bought it, patting the man's back as he sobbed artificially."Aw, geez. Sure, I'll try it. Those guys are just bullies."

Vaudevillian immediately cut the water works. "Super! You go and put on some new music. I'll bring it to you."

"Sure."

Hershel jumped up the stage, singing along with Britney Spear's _Hit Me Baby One More Time_ and waited as the song ended before placing the new CD that he'd mixed in the player. _Wannabe_ by the Spice Girls began. And Hershel began singing to it, too.

"I wanna-"

"HA!" Vaudevillian sang next to him.

"I WANNA-"

"HA!"

"I WANNA-"

"HA! I really, really, REALLY wanna zega ze HA!"

Hershel was so irritated by Vaudevillian's interruptions that he had to speak out. "Why'd you hafta go and ruin that fer me, boss?"

"Oh, shut up, you ninny. Here, drink it."

"Don't mind if I do!" Hershel downed the whole glass in three gulps. "WHOA! That's smooth! I dunno what those unbelievables were talking about!"

"What? Oh...Um. I'm so glad. Here, let me take over for you. You've been looking forward to dancing all week."

"Wow, you're a swell boss!"

"I know! Now, run along." Vaudevillian watched his unfortunate underling pogo in the small crowd and said, "Sucker!" before resuming his sing-along. "Slam your body down and wind it all around," while doing some of the dance moves.

* * *

Half way through the record, Vaudevillian spotted him suddenly stop dancing and make the ultimate "D'oh" face. Hershel practically flew to the unisex bathroom.

"HIROSHIMA!" Vaudevillian exclaimed and clapped happily.

Howls of terror emit from the John. So loud, that the customers begin to look for the source. Vaudevillian turned up the volume.

* * *

At closing time, The villain had shut off the lights and walked toward the door with keys in hand.

"BOSS?" A feeble cry came from the bathroom. "BOSS? HELP ME! I'm locked in here!"

Vaudevillian closed the door behind him and with a satisfied smile went to his car.


End file.
